Journals
by Sarah G 70
Summary: Season 7: The Potential Slayers have grown about their fierce leader but can't seem shake their wonderment of the real Buffy... I'm sure her personal journal will tell them everything they need to know...
1. Chapter 1 Journals

**Chapter 1**

Evidence of life vanished from the Sunnydale streets and neighborhood's. Darkness was only left behind in the abandon town. Liveliness bounced in the 1630 Revello Drive home, in which was occupied by fifty Potential Slayer's that happen to be teenage girls, one vengeance demon, rehabilitated witch, a Watcher, ex-universe-destroying-mystical energy ball, a construction worker, a 'hostage', a Billy Idol-ish - soul having vampire, and the Vampire Slayer.

Everyone appeared to be asleep, excluding the potentials in the living room whispering their gossip. Rona sat up in her sleeping bag. "I can't believe she just skipped out on us." She frowned. "It's like she doesn't even care." Rona looked to Kennedy for backup. Kennedy sat leaning against the wall, she snorted her laugh.

"Yeah, our only protection decides now is the best time for a mini vacation."

"I don't know maybe she really needed it. She always seems so depressed…. Most of the time." Vi rolled on her stomach.

"I don't I've ever seen her smile not even laugh." Molly thought. Kennedy abruptly stood and moved to the stairs.

"A…. Where you going?" Rona followed her.

"Buffy's room." Kennedy began to go up the stairs. Rona smiled than quietly did the same.

"We should just wait - for them to come back." Vi suggested.

Tiptoed down the hallway, Kennedy slowly opened the door of Buffy's bedroom. Inside it was black. Kennedy clicked the light on and observed the room. The bed was half made, a few tops thrown on top. Kennedy moved to the desk. She carefully shuffled the papers around. "What'd we lookin' for?" Rona whispered.

"I don't know…. Anything? You guys want to the scoop on Buffy-dearest right?" Kennedy softly opened the desk drawer. Rona shrugged and went to the nightstand. "Score." Kennedy pulled to a worn thick journal from under the stakes, crosses, and holy water.

"Got something?" Rona looked over Kennedy's shoulder.

"Yes, I do." Kennedy smiled victoriously.

Kennedy and Rona entered the living room sitting on the couch. "What do you have?" Molly arched her neck to the object in Kennedy's hand. Kennedy smirked and raised the tattered journal.

"Jackpot ladies."

"That what I think it is?" Chloe shifted uncomfortably in her sleeping bag.

"Buffy's journal. Her diary, everything Buffy is, is in this," Kennedy turned the book in her hand. "Is in this book."

"This is not a good idea." Vi mumbled.

"You guys wanna know about the Slayer, we…. You can hear it in her down words." Kennedy explained. The brunette Potential waited for anymore rejections before opening the book.

In the front page a photograph was stuck. Kennedy lifted the photo and smiled a little. It was of a little Buffy and her mother and father. She turned it over. _Me, Mom, and Dad, 1986. 5 years old._

"Cute." Rona took the picture from Kennedy's hands and then passed it carefully around.

"Here we go…. February 17, 1996, Mom and Dad are fighting again, I wish they would just div - I can't even say it,"

_"We all know's he's having an affair! No one takes that many business trips in 3 months."_

_Anyway, I've had the weirdest day, after Tyler asked me to the Homecoming (which I accepted…. Homecoming Queen always needs a date) some totally old guy was like talking to me. I think he was hitting on me. He kept talking about Vampires and Slayers…. How wiggy is that? Like what's a Slayer?"_

Kennedy looked up from the journal. "Can anyone say Valley Girl?" The teens giggled.

"She was called that day…." Molly stated in thought. "Keep going please." Kennedy skipped a few pages ahead.

_"February 24, 1996, I got expelled. I officially convinced everyone that I'm looney. Thankfully not enough for my parents to send me back to that Institution. Mom says that I got involved with the "bad crowd" and Dad…. He won't even look at me. I can't tell them that the gym was full of vampires! _

_Their getting divorced…. I guess I saved the saved the day._

_Merrick would be so proud."_

Kennedy skipped another few pages. "January 10, 1997…."


	2. Chapter 2 Journals

**Chapter 2**

_"January 10, 1997, my first day at Sunnydale High. I made some potential friends; Willow and Xander (their pretty cool)._

_This Slayer thing won't go AWAY! The creepy librarian said that I was the Slayer and he was my new Watcher. He even had the nerve to order me around about slaying vampires! Ugh! As if! That's it! I resign, I just want to be normal again…._

_January 13, 1997, I met this totally dreamy guy in the ally. He was so stalking me! His name is - I actually don't know, but I hope is not lame like Gary or something…._

_This town isn't so bad."_

"Night's young…. Keep reading." Rona said. Kennedy nodded jumping ahead a few pages.

"January 5, 1998, I had a dream about Drusilla. She was alive and she killed Angel…. Right in front of me…."

_"It felt so real…. I love him so much._

_Dad flaked on me again. Another ice skating show he bailed on, another birthday he bailed on. The funny thing is…. I actually thought this time he'd come. But the good thing about being a Slayer is that when things get bad…. You kill a giant Smerf, I choose to be optimistic. Happy birthday me."_

_January 6, 1998, he's gone. Angel's gone. Last night we made love and this morning he was gone. Disappeared. Did I do something wrong? Was I not good? Am I wrong?_

_My questions were answered a few hours ago when I was at the school. Angel laughed at me and said I freed him. Angelus. What did I do? People will die and it's my fault."_

"Everyone tries to sympathize with me, but they can't know what's its like. They couldn't know how it feels to have your love turn into the enemy. It's my fault…." Kennedy glanced up from the journal to intently listening girls. "She's in love with a vampire." Kennedy said.

"I heard about this I think…." Vi said. "From my Watcher…. He didn't really know about it…."

"It's sick." Kennedy sneered.

"You can't help you fall in love with." Molly defended. Kennedy shrugged moving the pages.

"Still, its really twisted."

"But romantic." Chloe sighed with a dreamy smile.


	3. Chapter 3 Journals

**Chapter 3**

_"May 12, 1998, I've had it. I'm finished with his mind games, and his taunting. I want him back. I want my ANGEL. I will get him back. Miss Calendars ritual spell will work…. Willow can do this. I know it._

_Tonight this ends. Angelus is going back to Hell._

_May 13, 1998, I can't breathe. I sent him to Hell. I killed my Angel._

_There's nothing for me here. I was expelled again, my friends almost died because of me…. Everywhere I turn I see his face. I miss him so much. _

_Its what I had to do…. For the world. I had to save the world. Now I'm on the bus trying to save mine."_

"She ran away." Kennedy carefully turned the page.

_"May 18, 1998, I've been in LA for a week, working at a Diner…. Feeling sorry for myself. I did meet this annoying-gorgeous man. His name is Dean. He's crude, self-centered, and the most arrogant man I have ever met!_

_He made me laugh._

_It feels like I haven't done that in a million years. He's been coming to the Diner everyday for a week. Always getting a cup of coffee and sometimes a burger. Dean is always trying some lame pickup line on me or slipping his number in my apron. I know exactly what he's doing and I let him._

_I've been staring at his number for a while now. I think I'm going to give him a call…._

_May 23, 1998, I think Dean and I are a couple…. Or we're tangled in a casual something - maybe even a serious something. He waited in the Diner for my 8 ½ hour shift to end. Every time I moved I could feel his eyes. Dean surprised me when I turned from behind the counter, he was leaning over giving me that cocky smirk that makes my knees weak. I placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He tasted of bitter coffee…. It was perfect._

_Dean has the power of making me forget why I ran away._

_I think I love him - I can never tell him…. It would scare him. Casual is all we are. What am I talking about? I can't love Dean, I can't even be casual with Dean. I'm with Angel. I love Angel._

_He makes me smile. When he holds me…. When I wake up in the morning he's there. And he has a heart beat. The simple rhythm makes my heart flutter…. No. I can't love Dean. I love Angel. Always."_

"She's got it bad." Rona smiled.

"Mmm…. Hmm…." Molly rested her chin in her hands wearing a small smile.

"I still want her with Angel, I mean…. He's her first love." Chloe said. Kennedy glanced back down to the pages of the journal,

"May 26, 1998, it never goes away. I'm stuck in the black hole of a shadow that follows me every where I go. Its like the plague,"

_"The Hellmouth. I can't run from it. Not even…. Dean is a demon hunter._

_The night Lily came to about her missing boyfriend, I found out my boyfriend is hunting my demon._

_Then that Ken guy pushed us into his industrial Hell. Dean and I argued. He blamed me for giving up his undercover identity and I blamed him for getting in my way._

_Afterwards we sat in my apartment in complete silence. I've never felt so awkward, embarrassed, anxious in my life. I told him about that I was the Slayer. He didn't wig, he just sat there waiting for me to continue. I told him everything. About Sunnydale, before Sunnydale, even Angel. Everything._

_I thought I was going to lose it when I began to tell him about Angelus and then killing Angel. He just held me._

_There was no judgement._

_In return he told me about his father and his brother Sam. Dean opened up to me about the death of his mother. Which happen to start the family demon hunting business._

_We shared thing that we would never have told anyone. Our fears, loneliness, dreams…. It was nice to just - feel that connection of an honest conversation._

_There is no turning back now…."_

"I thought Buffy and Angel were a match made but Dean is…." Chloe began.

"The perfect guy?" Vi finished Chloe's sentence.

"Keep reading." Chloe nodded to Kennedy.


	4. Chapter 4 Journals

**Chapter 4**

_"August 14, 1998, Dean and I have been arguing a lot lately. Our last dispute was over his father John. He's in trouble, and Dean needs to go to him. I get that. Even when Dean insists that I don't. I hate it. I hate having this consistent battle with him. Stop trying to be a SUPERHERO! _

_It's becoming our habit; fight, make love, fight some more, make love, fight again…. I can't stand how annoying and stubborn and - and emotionally closed up we are!_

_He left the apartment, slamming the door behind him. I ran to the window in time to see his black Impala take off. _

_There was a soft knock at the door. Dean stood at the other side. He looked emotionally drained. I wasn't doing that great either. I just went into his arms, feeling his muscles tense around me. He whispered words of apologies, than told me to go back home, where I'm needed. I refused. _

_All I want is to be in his arms protected from the crappy world outside my little apartment. He raised my chin with his finger and kissed me. I can still hear his deep whispering voice: "I'll always find you…. Wherever I am, Princess."_

_He said he loved me…. Then he left."_

"That's it?" Rona complained. Kennedy turned the page looking at the back.

"Guess so…." Kennedy turned the page.

"Is she still with Dean? Did they break up?" Kennedy chuckled at Vi great interest in the love story.

"Stop asking questions and let's find out." Kennedy continued. "October 2, 1998, Angel's back." Kennedy glanced at the gasping girls than back down at her lap. "I don't know why's he's back…. I thought,"

_"I would be happier. I'm just confused…._

_December 27, 1998, I left for a few day's to see Dean. He called me and I needed to tell him…._

_We met outside Sunnydale near an old Diner just an hour from LA. I told him that Angel was back and that we're back together._

_I've never seen him look so hurt. It tore me to pieces._

_We sat in the back of the Diner and argued for what seemed like an eternity. He stormed out. This time he didn't come back. _

_I didn't want him back."_

"What who back?" Katie eagerly leaned forward with her elbow in her knees.

"Angel duh!" Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Guys shut up." Kennedy ordered continuing the page. "June 10, 1999, Giles told me to take a mini vacation,"

_"Which was perfect because Mom was going to New York for a gallery auction for the next 2 ½ months. Xander was seeing great America and Willow was following Oz and the Dingos._

_I picked the phone extremely nervous and dialed his number. Last time we spoke was a few months after I told about Angel. Imagine his surprise when I told him Angel was leaving me. He didn't say anything like I expected…. He just asked if I was okay._

_I can't help but wait extremely anxious to hear his soothing deep voice. _

_Dean was in Denver, Colorado posing as an FBI agent because of some hitchhiker ghost guy…. We talked mindlessly for hours about nothing and then about everything._

_I heard a faint engine rumbling down my street. I unexpectedly hung the phone up on him and ran down the stairs opening the front door. Only to see Dean leaning against his car with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing that smug smirk. I raced to him and jumped into his arms, kissing him…. He's with me again…."_

"Aww…. How cute." A Potential sighed.

"Sounds like they had a fun night." Rona teased and the girls giggled.

"Molly take over." Kennedy passed the journal carefully to Molly. The English girl adjusted herself comfortably in her sleeping bag.

"Where were we? Okay, July 4,1999…."


	5. Chapter 5 Journals

Chapter 5

_"July 4, 1999, this month has been heaven…. Dean and I spent all day in bed than at night, we'd hunt for vampires…. The Hellmouth has been quiet, which usual means somethings brewing._

_I can't stop smiling. With Dean…. Its so uncomplicated. We play house; like cook dinner, do laundry, kill the occasional demons, you know…. Couple stuff…._

_I almost feel like a normal girl._

_July 28, 1999, Dean got a call from his father. John doesn't know I exist, but neither does anyone in Sunnydale. We are each others best kept secret._

_As perusal, Dean and I would argue than make up and say our I love you's, he'll leave for another 6 to 10 months and I'll go on living like I always have. _

_Perfect and normalcy never lasts, especially with me."_

"September 27, 1999, college isn't so bad, except…." Molly looked up from the journal at chatty girls against the wall.

"Shh, I'm trying to hear." A girl scowled. Molly glanced back down to the page and continued.

_"Except this guy Parker. He's been trying to get into my pants since we met in the cafeteria a week ago. I made the stupid mistake of telling Dean which only lead to another blowout. It was the first time in months since I talked to him and this is the time I choose to argue with him about nothing with Parker._

_We said some things we shouldn't have. I said things I wish never entered my mind and we broke up._

_God, sometimes I just wanna - he can be so - but, I love him. Its like my own curse._

_September 29, 1999, Dean still hasn't called. Its been days since our fight. Normally he would try to contact me, we'd apologize and then talk for hours. But, he hasn't. I think its really over…._

_I messed up again. I always manage to screw up the best things that happen to me…. Again."_

Molly glanced up to see saddened faces. The living room was abnormally quiet, the girls just waited for the next entry.

_"December 3, 1999, Riley Finn is the TA for Professor Walsh and he asked me out. I rejected. I'm just - not ready. Dean hasn't tried to call me since. I get the message._

_Why not go on a date with Riley? He's a nice, normal, stable guy. Tomorrow I'll tell him I accept his offer. I going to go on a date, with Riley._

_December 12, 1999, Riley's apart of the Commando squad called the Initiative which is a government study of demons and vampires. Professor Walsh is the head. She's hiding something, its probably in 314. I'm going to figure it out._

_February 16, 2000, that bitch tried to kill me. She thinks sending me with a faulty weapon trapped by a demon lab-rat would kill me. Then she really doesn't know what a Slayer is."_

A surge of pride tingled down the Potential Slayer's spine. They glanced at one another with a triumphant smile smeared across their lips.


	6. Chapter 6 Journals

**Chapter 6**

_"March 30, 2000, Adam is finally defeated (he was getting on my last nerve). I'm home with Riley; Mom went to LA until Monday. Things with Riley have been good. Even after the disaster with Angel dropping by a couple of days before. I told Riley everything about my relationship with Angel…. Just left out the things with Angelus and after Angelus…. Basically everything Riley really wanted to know. _

_My cell phone rang interrupting our quiet, yet uneventful evening. I answered thinking it was Giles until the voice on the other end said: "Princess." _

_I thought my legs would give out on me. He then he said: "I miss you." Then hung up._

_Am I insane for thinking it was him? I sent Riley home."_

"I'm totally confused…. Was that Dean?" Vi frowned.

"I think so…. Unless Angel called her Princess…." Chloe thought aloud.

"She's gonna get out of the relationship with Riley and run back to Dean." A Potential said.

"No, she'll stay with Riley and leave Dean in the dust." Another Potential argued. Kennedy looked to the arguing girls.

"Shut it." Kennedy commanded. Molly skipped through some pages. A photograph fell out from between the pages. Molly picked it up. _March 1998, Angel and I at the school library._

Molly turned the photo to a warm smiling young Buffy, she leaned against a tall, broad dark haired man. His arm was draped around the Slayer's shoulders. "Its Angel." Molly handed the photo to Rona."

"He's hot. She looks so young." Rona passed the photo to Kennedy.

"Was this after he came back from Hell, only a few more months until they break up." Kennedy passed the photo to another girl. Molly picked up the journal and continued.

_"November 23, 2000, Riley left me. He went back to the Initiative, he had the audacity to tell me that I wasn't fully committed into the relationship. I ran after him. I was too late. I watched the helicopter fly away. I ran AFTER him! And I'm not committed…. I wasn't going to until Xander convinced me to go after a once in a lifetime guy._

_I wanted to tell him that I found my guy, a longtime ago. I found him at a rundown Diner in LA…. Actually, he found me. But, I didn't tell him that. I was vulnerable and ran._

_Why is it that every guy that enters my life ends up leaving? What's wrong with me? Am I incapable of having a relationship that's not all doom and gloom? Can I love?_

_There was a knock at the door. It was Dean. My heart pounded, not even an hour ago Riley left me for the jungle and now my ex-boyfriend is standing in front of me. Why does he alway appear when I'm miserable? I didn't even hear the Impala's engine. I couldn't move. I just stood there staring at him the beautiful him…. He gave me that weak in the knee smirk and said: "Hey Princess, where's the party?" Before he pulled me into his arms. I smelled his rugged yet seductive sent of old leather and Dean naturalness…. _

_We sat on the couch, I told him about Riley. He understood and gently curled a piece of my hair around my ear. Then I told him about Mom. I broke down. I haven't since…. He pulled me into his arms and whispered words of love and support. _

_I've missed him."_


	7. Chapter 7 Journals

**Chapter 7**

Molly skipped ahead a few pages. Her face saddened. "What?" Kennedy arched her neck to see the messy hand written pages.

"This journal entry is when Buffy comes back."

"From?" Rona asked interested.

"The dead."

"Where's the rest of the last entry?" Rona questioned. Molly turned the pages and shrugged.

"This next is entry." Molly explained. "October 10, 2001…."

_"I feel so lost. I look around and everything is so bright and hard. I don't know anything anymore. I was in Heaven. I was happy and safe. I knew everyone that I loved was fine…. Living. I don't remember much but I was in a shiny place protected, than I woke up in a coffin. I remember trying to scream. No one could hear me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I just knew…._

_ I was in Hell. There is nothing in me that feels anything. I'm lost._

_I got a phone call. For the first time since my resurrection I could feel. Just the sound of his voice filled me with emotions I thought I lost. We plan to meet at our spot outside of Sunnydale, and hour from LA._

_He heard about my death through the grapevine of demons and hunters. We sat across from each other at the table and stared. He looked at me in disbelief. I missed looking into his hazel green eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out._

_We spent 2 hours at the Diner in complete silence. The sun began to set, we walked to the his Impala. I played with my hands nervously, he stared with deep fascination at his boots. Suddenly he attacked my lips. I leaned my back against his car and I let him devour my mouth. _

_As he kissed me, I can feel everything that I was enable to before. We slowly broke away, I rested my forehead against his. Feeling his heavy breath on my face, smelling is intoxicating sent. He found me, like he said he would always do. Dean kissed my forehead and said: "Marry me."_

"Dean, just ask what I think he just asked?" Chloe softly whispered.

"I never knew she was like dead but alive you know?" Rona glanced to Kennedy.

"She's an idiot." Kennedy sneered.

"She is not." Vi defended Buffy.

"Dean is the perfect guy and she left him in the dust." Kennedy looked to the Potential girl. "Looks like you were partly right."

Molly turned the page. "Guys…."

"Buffy didn't leave him! Did you not hear what he said?" A girl argued with Kennedy.

"Guys…."

"Buffy's an idiot for leaving Dean!"

"She is not an idiot!"

"Guys! Keep it down." Molly ordered. "This is the most recent entry."

"So what happened next?" Rona asked.

"I skipped ahead…." Molly began to read.


	8. Chapter 8 Journals

**Chapter 8**

_"January 8, 2003, I got a call from Dean. That's why I left in such a rush. He needs me. Something happened with the Yellow (eye) demon and…. I needed a break from this town, this house, these (girls)…. Just for a little while._

_I need to be in Dean's arms. I need him to tell me that it's not my fault that I kill these girl or anyone else. I'm so scared._

_I don't know what's going to happen. I can't tell them we'll win when I don't believe it myself. I just need him to hold me."_

The Potential Slayer's sat silently, processing their leader's inner fears. It surprised them that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was just as scared as they are. "I wonder if she said yes." Chloe mumbled.

Another photograph fell from the journal. _July 15, 1999, Perfect Day._

Molly turned the photo of Buffy and a light brown haired man. They were laughing, gazing into each other's eyes lovingly. Molly picked up another photo stuffed between the pages.

It was the same man with his lips pressed against Buffy's forehead, they stood near an ice blue lake, the sun-rays glowed around Buffy's long blonde hair. "October 2001. Recent." Molly read. Passing the photos to Rona and Kennedy.

"She looks happy." Rona stated passing the photo to the girls.

"She does…." Kennedy studied the photo of her mentor.

"Is this Dean?" Chloe asked.

"I think so…. Must be - 2001, isn't that when Dean said marry me?" Vi said excited.

Key's jingled as the door opened, followed by voices. Molly quickly switched off the lamp, laying on her back pretending to sleep. "Place hasn't changed." An unfamiliar voice said.

"It sorta has. The banister was rebuilt like five times since you were last here." Buffy pointed.

"Well…."

"Shh…." Buffy ordered but had trouble containing her giggle as the man kissed down her neck. His hands roamed her back, wrapping his arms around her waist. "The girls are sleeping…. Stop it." Buffy playfully slapped his arm. The man poked his head into the living room observing the sleeping girls. "Doesn't seem Giles had any luck with The First." Buffy skimmed the Watcher's notes and open book pages. She felt two strong arms wrap around her waist and leaned her head back resting on his shoulder.

"We've got a lot of explaining to do." The man cooed into her ear.

"Mmm…. They have a right to know. They're my family." Buffy whispered.

"Hey, I'm your family too." Buffy snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. "But, I know what you mean. Four and a half years and you finally wanna broadcast our best kept secret…." Buffy turned in his arms. Her fingers lightly glided down his rough cheek.

"After all of this, we can finally start our life together." She kissed him lightly.

"Mmm…. I gonna like this spanking new life, but I'm beat." The man mumbled against her mouth. Buffy smiled.

"Same." Buffy took the man's hand, shut off the dimmed lights and guided him up the stairs and into her bedroom.

The Potential Slayer's sat up when they heard the bedroom door click. "Who was that?" A girl asked.

"We'll find out tomorrow." Kennedy said, her eyes still closed suddenly very tired resting until morning comes.


	9. Chapter 9 Journals

Chapter 9

The sunlight streamed through the open blinds in Buffy's bedroom, on top of the bright sunlight the alarm clock buzzed. "Mmm…." Buffy groaned slamming her hand down, shattering the clock into pieces. "Oops."

She felt a large hand over her stomach pulling her closer into the warm, strong wall against her back. Buffy could feel his light breath against her shoulder. She turned to face him.

He smiled dreamily as her hand softly touched his features. "Morning." He grunted. Buffy leaned up to kiss his closed eyelids.

"Morning." She then kissed his pouting lips. "Wake up." Buffy whispered against his mouth. He moaned and rolled onto his back taking Buffy with him. "Please," Buffy straddled his hips. She smiled. "Wake up." Buffy slowly slid her hips down over his erection. He stifled back his moan. Buffy kissed him again, her mouth moved down his jawline and to his neck. Dean suddenly flipped her onto her back, throwing her panties to the floor with lightening speed.

He smiled at her surprised expression. "You boost my ego every time you're surprised by my superpower." Buffy laughed as Dean entered her. Dean whispered in her ear words of love. As their build up intensified Buffy opened her eyes focusing on Dean who was looking right back at her.

"Dean…." She moaned as she reached her climax. Her sweet voice sent Dean over the edge.

He kissed her neck, breathing heavily. Dean balanced himself on his elbows under Buffy he. "I love you." Buffy kissed him once more.

"Love you Princess." Dean pressed his mouth to her forehead before he rolled off keeping her in his arms. Contently, Buffy snuggled close into Dean's chest. Her ear rested over his heart. The sound of the rhythmic beating relaxed the Slayer drifting her into a dreamless sleep. Dean smiled feeling Buffy's even breaths against his chest, he nestled his nose in her blonde hair soon doze off utterly satisfied.

"Buffy's back." Spike said.

"Oh?" Giles looked up from his book.

"I heard footsteps last night." Spike brought his mug of blood to his lips.

"She's early." Giles closed the book piling it on the stack. Dawn entered the dinning room with a bowl of cereal in her hand.

"It's been a week." The teen said with her mouth full.

"Really?" Giles took off his glasses. Willow and Xander looked up from their books.

"Yep, a week." Willow confirmed.

"Stop…." The Scoobies looked towards the staircase hearing Buffy's voice. "You can hang with the gang…." Giles looked to Willow, Xander and Spike who shrugged.

"How long?" An unfamiliar males voice said. Buffy and the strange man appeared in the foyer. Buffy wore a white blouse and brown dress pants, her hair loosely flowed around her shoulders. The unknown man fixed his jacket popping the collar slightly, he wore worn brown jeans and tattered brown boots, his light brown hair complimented Buffy's blonde locks. They were unaware of the prying eyes on them as Buffy reached up and fixed his hair that stuck up a bit.

Dean's eyes moved to the Scoobies. He smirked embarrassed. "Um…. Hi." Dean said awkwardly. Buffy turned to the gang.

"Hey guys." Her voice was partly guilty. She glanced to Dean than back to the Scoobies. "Dawnie, can you please get the others. We need to talk." Dawn nodded and gathered the Potential Slayer's from the backyard.

In the living room all eyes where on Buffy and Dean. He stood closely next to her looking elsewhere. "Um…. This is Dean Winchester. This is who I saw over the week." She glanced up to Dean that back at the gang. "Dean is a demon hunter and he needed my help. There's more…." Buffy took a deep breath. "We've been seeing each other…. For the past four in a half years. Romantically…." Pause. "There's more."

"More? What else can you possibly shock us with?" Xander asked hurt and feeling betrayed.

"We're married." The mouths dropped to the ground.


	10. Chapter 10 Journals

**Chapter 10**

"Did you just say married?" Xander practically shouted.

"Yes," Buffy cautiously said.

"For - for how long?" Willow asked. Buffy took another deep breath.

"Since - you brought me back." Buffy glanced at a very shocked Dawn.

"Two years? You've been married for two years!" Xander yelled at Buffy.

Giles turned to the girl and Andrew. "Andrew take the girls out into the backyard and continue the training session."

"But I rather-"

"Now." Giles firmly said. After several minutes of waiting for the living room to clear out leaving the Scoobies, Buffy, and Dean.

Giles took off his glasses and handkerchief. "Start from the beginning. When did you two meet?" Giles calmly asked. Buffy played with her hands nervously, she now had to explain her secret boyfriend now husband.

"The summer I ran away."

"All this time we thought you were so in love with Angel! What a load of bull!"

"Back off." Dean stepped in front of Buffy protectively. She placed her hand on his arm instantly calming him.

"I was working at a Diner and I met him." Beat. "A few weeks later we began to date."

"Buffy, all this time I thought you were mourning Angel…." Willow started to say unsurely.

"I was. But, Dean…." She looked at him almost dreamily. "He made me forget." Her eyes never moved from his. "When Angel - I felt that it was my fault that innocent…. Miss Calendar and you Giles - I thought that it was my fault." She glanced at Giles.

"So what, when you were with Angel and Riley you were with him?" Dawn crossed her arms. Buffy shyly smiled.

"No, I wasn't." Her smile vanished listening to her own words. "Dean and I had an on and off…."

"I can't believe you." Xander stared at Buffy with anguish. Buffy tried to hide from Xander's disappointing stare. "For five years you lied to us. You had this whole other life, with this guy." Beat. "You say we're your family…. But I don't believe it." Beat. "A family doesn't have secret boyfriends…." Xander's words muffled in Buffy's ears, she knew this would happen.

Xander would be angry, feeling betrayed than he would be supportive. Willow and Dawn would just be confused and Giles would be disappointed then supportive. Its always the same reaction when a bomb is dropped. Buffy just had to wait it out and answer their questions as calmly as she could.

Buffy looked back up when she heard the front door slam shut. Xander was missing from the group. She felt Dean's hand grasp hers. Her eyes traveled up to meet his, though his serious expression she could see the playfulness, screw them glint in his eyes.

"I have to go to work." Buffy said unexpectedly. "Giles, can you please inform Dean on The First." Buffy said gently.

"Buffy we have to finish this discussion-"

"And we will, twenty minutes after three." Buffy grabbed her purse near the door. "Trust me." Giles nodded heading back into the dinning room to his books. "Come on Dawn, we're going to be late." Dawn silently grabbed her bag already out the door. Buffy pulled Dean down for a quick kiss. "Love you." She whispered, running out the door.

Dean stood in the living room with Willow and Anya. "So…. The First?" Dean smirked. Willow and Anya's eyes just trailed over the strange man.


	11. Chapter 11 Journals

**Chapter 11**

It's been hours since Buffy told everyone about her very secret relationship with her now husband. Dean at the head of the table quickly skimming a book. Giles sat at the head opposite of Dean, every now and then Giles' eyes would glance up to Dean briefly studying the man who captured his Slayer's heart. Dean felt his stare and shifted uncomfortably. He should be used to the eyes on him by now Andrew blankly stared at him never looking away.

"You mind?" Dean's went to Andrew. The blonde held an open book in his arm but his eyes were still on Dean.

"You're just - demon hunter, huh…." Andrew said with a smile. Dean nodded turning the page.

"Bet Buffy wasn't so pleased to hear that, was she?" Andrew tried to engage in a conversation. "Buffy-" Dean slammed his book closed, moving it aside taking another and opened it calmly. Andrew gave a nervous laugh and continued. "Buffy is-"

"Don't talk about Buffy." Dean ordered with an untroubled voice. He turned the page. Giles took off his glasses pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, do be kind and not talk about Buffy." Giles focused on Andrew. Willow and Anya entered the living room and sat at the table.

"Anything?" Willow asked.

"A…. Nothing new, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, The Book of Beelzebub just says the same thing; The First is evil." Dean shut the book. The gang was quiet gazing at the mysterious man. Dean ignored them looking down at his watch. "Buffy should be back in a half and hour." Dean glanced back up. The front door opened, Xander appeared.

The shaggy haired man entered the dinning room, his eyes immediately found Dean. "Anything new?" Xander did not shift his gaze.

"Um…. No, same thing." Giles watched Xander carefully.

"Where's Buffy?" Xander asked.

"At the school." Willow said, nervously watching the intense stare across the room.

"Good."

Anya stood wearily. "Xander what are you going to do?" Xander shrugged looking more and more agitated by the passing moment.

"I want to talk to Dean. Alone." Xander went out the front door. Dean stood and followed out.

On the porch Xander stood with his hands on his hips, his back to Dean, looking out to the mailbox. There was no speaking, Dean stood behind Xander with hands in his pockets, shifting from one foot to the other awkwardly. After several long minutes of silence Xander turned facing Dean. The dark haired man just stared. "She's one of my best friends." Xander said. Dean nodded in agreement. "And it hurts that she - Buffy would keep something so big to herself and not let anyone know."

"My father and brother don't know." Dean said.

"Why would you two keep something so significant to yourselves?"

"I did it for Buffy. She didn't want anyone to know and neither did I. The second she wanted to tell you guys, I would've done the same."

"When did you marry her? Better yet, how long where you two engaged?" Xander asked. Dean thought for a moment than answered.

"Bout a day…." Dean tried a smile. "We met at our spot…. She was about to get on the bus back to Sunnydale…. Instead we went to the court in LA and got married." Pause. "I was scared that I'd lose her again. When she died…. I wanted her. I can never lose her…."

"So you married her for a security blanket?" Xander asked confused. Dean shook his head.

"No. I've been trying to ask her for five years but every time I'm close and finally got the nerve something happens, my family…. Her family…. Then we'd argue and I'd…. From the moment I saw her at that crappy ass Diner, her hair in braids, and with that self-loathing frown, I wanted her. I wanted to turn that frown upside down." Dean smiled to himself. "I just wanted to love her. The way she deserves." Dean felt out of breath. Xander blankly stared at him.

Dean let out his frustrated breath. "I found out my girlfriend died from a bunch of demons that was having a celebration party." Dean watched Xander's brow rise sadden. "Half of me died with her. But, I knew - I knew she'd tell me to keep going…. Keep fighting…." Xander formed a soft smile. Dean sat on the top step, his arms rest of his knees tangling his finger together looking out watching the kids play on the sidewalk. Xander sat next to him. "I was in Michigan when I heard the Slayer's back." Dean smiled. "I lied to my brother and bailed on the case we were working on and went back to California. That's when I called her." Dean paused. Xander studied the man's face. Dean met his glance.

"I didn't marry Buffy for security, I married her because I love her more than anything." Dean looked at Xander.

Xander smiled lazily and placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I get that."


	12. Chapter 12 Journals

**Chapter 12**

Twenty minutes to three.

Giles looked up from his watch and glanced towards the closed door. "She'll be here." Dawn watched Giles gazing at the front door frustrated.

"I know. I just need to speak with her."

"Bout Dean?"

"Umm," Giles adjusted his glasses. "Yes,"

"He's not bad. From the couple of hours he's been around…. I think its good for Buffy to have something -"

"Yes, well that is still no reason to keep that private."

"You can't expect her to -"

"Dawn, please go outside with the others." Buffy voice surprised the two sitting at the dinning room table. Dawn nodded and immediately walked to the back door.

"Buffy…."

"Where's Dean?"

"With Xander and Willow." Giles saw the panic and guiltiness written on the Slayer's face. "They've taken a liking to him."

She looked up at her watcher partly relieved. "And, you?"

"I'm a bit more hesitant." Giles crossed his legs confidently. Buffy stared at him for a long while.

"Giles -"

"Why would you keep something like this hidden for so long?" The words seethed through Giles' teeth.

_The question of the hour._ Buffy sat down calmly.

"It wasn't anyones business."

"Buffy you can't be serious of course it is, especially to me."

Buffy's eyes grew, peeved that he relished the thought of her personal life as his business. "No, my personal life is no ones business. I wanted something for myself." Beat. "Everyone knew everything about Angel and Riley." Pause. "Everyone knew that I spelt with Angel because he lost his soul…. The point is _I_ wanted something for my own."

"Buffy -"

"You don't have the right to judge me because I've had a few boyfriends you didn't know about. Sorry Giles you're not my father!" She knew it pained him to hear the harsh reality of her words.

"But marriage Buffy…. Honestly -"

"Honestly what? Please explain what is so wrong that I married someone I love?"

"It's the fact that you didn't tell me!" Giles jumped from his chair pacing.

"Well, I'm sorry that I kept this secret…."

"I don't want your apologies Buffy."

"Then what the hell do you want? Please tell me because I'm obviously out of the loop." Her patients wore thin.

"Dean…. What do you know of this man? How did you meet him? Where was he born? Do you anything about this man girl?"

Buffy glanced up at him darkly. "Dean Winchester, born January 24,1979 to John and Mary Winchester. Brother Sam Winchester. Mother died 1983 by a demon called Azazel. I met Dean at the dinner I was working at in LA. His favorite food is cheeseburgers. He hates when I consume more caffeine than the average person and nothing happens to me. He secretly likes to watch Oprah because he enjoys when poor people get new cars. He grew up in Lawrence, Kansas. Do you want to know anything else?" Buffy crossed her legs watching Giles process the information.

"Giles, I love him." His hazel green eyes met hers. "I didn't know that I could love anyone else like this besides Angel…. I wanna kill him sometimes, but Dean wouldn't be Dean, if he wasn't like that." Buffy slowly smiled at the thought. "Its his charm. When he holds me…. I know that nothing will ever go wrong if he's with me." Buffy stood facing Giles. "He saved me. Saved me from my black pit of hole." Giles flinched a small smile and placed his hand reassuringly on Buffy's shoulder.

"Jeez baby, I didn't know I was that awesome." Buffy turned to see Dean leaning against the doorframe and Xander and Willow standing behind him. Buffy moved out of Giles' reach and wrapped her arms around Dean's waist.

"I love you." Buffy whispered gazing up at her husband. Dean smirked and laced his fingers through her blonde locks.

"Love you, too Princess." Dean leaned down and kissed her.

"Well, lets go tell everyone what we found about the First." Giles uncomfortably coughed retreating to the backyard. Xander and Willow laughed following.

"Mmm…. I've missed my wifey's kiss." Dean mumbled against Buffy's lips.

"Missed you too. We used to be so good at this apart thing…." She noticed Dean's skeptical look.

"Really? If I remember correctly you were the one who begged me to stay every time." Buffy opened her mouth offended.

"Please, you were the one who always came back wanting more." Buffy teased.

"What can I say? You're hot." Dean gave Buffy his best cocky smirk.

"Thanks." Buffy turned away moving towards the kitchen.

"And, did you really have to tell Giles about Oprah?" Dean wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Buffy giggled. "I only watch it because you put it on." Dean argued.

Buffy looked up at him. "I was making a point." She kissed his cheek walking to the open back door. Dean stood in the kitchen.

"I'd rather watch Oprah than those damn Chupacabra's!" Dean shouted. Buffy turned to face her husband.

"Will you stop calling Barbra a Chupcaiebra."

"It's Chupacabra baby and she's a Agropelter." Dean pointed. Buffy rolled her eyes and walked out to the backdoor. Dean continued to argue his point. Buffy simply ignored him. "You listening to me Princess?"

"No."

"Great to see where we stand in this marriage." Dean reached for Buffy's hand as they trailed to the backyard. Buffy only laughed as she latched onto his arm smiling up at Dean lovingly.


End file.
